Ultimately, I learned that I was

Dating black american men

In comparison to my

Almost like I was turning my back on them if I agreed with these findings. Dating to find a spouse should be an enjoyable experience, one you can cater to your specific needs and wants, and no one can make you feel guilty about knowing and getting what you want. As we moved along to my third must-have, spiritual openness, the role I played in my dating failures was becoming painfully clear.

In comparison to my friends who still date American men, dating for me has been relatively stress-free and surprisingly liberating. In reality, we have just as much growing and evolving to do as our male counterparts do when it comes to relationships and long-term commitment. We are responsible for our intentions and for our expectations, no one else. For a long time, Black American women have had to forgo the idea of security in their relationships. And as we reviewed my list, one thing became clear, and that was that I had no business dating Black American men.

In reality we

Sure, I had developed some great communication skills, learned a lot about compromise and partnership, and even more about realistic partner expectations. Ultimately, I learned that I was.

In contrast, other non-American Black communities view marriage as a part of maturing and coming of age. One day my therapist forced me to make a list of the things I wanted in a husband. If I wanted to make it work despite what the evidence stated, I could.

Now full disclosure, I only date within my race. Whatever we attribute this to, many Black millennial men do not consider marriage to be a personal milestone. The first thing I indicated on my list was that I wanted to marry a man who wanted to be married. We research program offerings, campus life, tuition costs, etc.